herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
