Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
