In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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