dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
