At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
