you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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