it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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