and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
