I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
