i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
