Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
