living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
