It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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