My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
