remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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