we're blogging at a bar
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
