My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
