You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
