the condom got lost in my hair
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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