and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
