I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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