I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
