Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
