he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
