You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
