im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
4 words: hood of his car
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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