NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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