not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
