So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
