So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
