Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
