I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
