I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
