I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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