Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
