My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
