what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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