so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
