nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
