I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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