I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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