Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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