I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
