just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
