Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
