Umm I'm too high to move.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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