I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How external is "for external use only"?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
