You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
