I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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