It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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